The Oscars this year completely took me by surprise! For some reason I thought we had one more week! But no! It's THIS Sunday! Which means it's end of the year list time!
10. Pacific Rim
This movie wasn't BAD, exactly. It just didn't do anything for me. It was supposed to be an over the top summer popcorn movie - and I usually LOVE over the top summer popcorn movies - but Pacific Rim was just lacking! The action scenes were only okay. I think I have a real problem with robots fighting. That's why I don't like any of the Transformers movies. I like my action to involve people. I feel a real threat for their lives when human characters are doing something dangerous. Giant robots fighting other dimension alien creatures? Not so much. Yes, I know the humans are inside the robots controlling it, but I still didn't buy it. I didn't end up caring too much about the robots or the humans.
On a social commentary/film studies note: I did find this movie to be slightly groundbreaking in that it showed an Asian female to be sexually awakened. There's a cliche in film studies that Asians are asexual, blacks are super crazy horny, and whites are just right. Kind of a like a weird, sexually racist Goldilocks. But in THIS movie, the Asian LEAD actress (which is also rare!) checks out her hot white (almost Christian Grey) leading man several times! She legit watches him undress through a peephole! I was shocked when I saw that! Refreshingly shocked! Not only is this a biracial coupling, but it's the GIRL who is objectifying the man! BUT then in the end, the two leads don't end up hooking up!! And I was like, "Gah! You were so close!!"
9. The Counselor
I love my Michael Fassbender!!!!! I will say all the performances in this movie were very good. It weirds me out to say it, but I thought Cameron Diaz gave the performance of a lifetime! Whoever was her stylist for this movie totally nailed it! As if her half shaved head, tattoos, and silver pointed nails weren't enough, they gave her a gold tooth! A FREAKIN' GOLD TOOTH! And it WORKED! And she rocked it!! She was so bad ass in this movie! It was a Cameron Diaz I never saw before! Her, and Michael Fassbender are the only good parts about this movie. I think The Counselor would have worked better as a novel. It WAS written by Cormac McCarthy after all. A lot of the script was weird, cryptic, philosophical ramblings that I'm sure would have been a deep and meaningful read, but spoken through characters in film just came off as pretentious and awkward. But Cameron Diaz, man. She kicked ass! And I have to mention it, don't I? She has sex with a car.
8. The Internship
So not even close to Wedding Crashers. I think this movie was a cute idea - two middle aged guys get an internship at the biggest tech company in the nation - but it just didn't deliver. It had some funny parts, but not enough to push this movie from bad to mediocre. I would have been okay with this movie being mediocre. But it was just shy of mediocre, which is a shame! It's also extremely unrealistic! The guys are given a series of tests and projects which they do with a team of misfits. The way they behave during these tests and their level of participation in the projects is just plain ludicrous! Yes, their antics were kind of funny for the sake of the movie, but in real life, they would have been kicked out of the internship program on the first day for acting like such morons! But they keep getting these second chances because they have "real life experience" since they're older. It's really dumb, and completely unbelievable!
7. Man of Steel
You know what? I LIKED the 2006 version, Superman Returns. That movie got a lot of slack, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! It wasn't "action-y" enough for the masses, but I totally got what Bryan Singer was trying to do. He romanticized Superman and gave the film an almost nostalgic tone. Most people didn't dig that and wanted a version of Superman that was more exciting. I get it, I mean, it's Superman! It should be exciting! Well, I'm sorry, but THIS Superman movie was a mess! You know what I think the problem with having a Superman movie is these days? We're too cynical as a society and we like our superheroes to be dark, because that's more believable/relatable now. BUT the conundrum is, Superman is not a dark character! He's freakin' Superman, for crying out loud! When I was a kid, Superman had the capabilities of god! And it just doesn't work to have a tortured Superman! I will say, though, Henry Cavill is TASTY!!
6. Jack the Giant Slayer
I love me some Ewan! But unfortunately, he couldn't save this movie. And I can't figure out if the About a Boy kid grew up to be hot or not. He's kind of funny looking. All that aside, this movie was just bleah. And the CGI for the monsters was not very good! It was like watching a movie from 10 years ago or something. I know technology is better than that! Oh well. Let's just all stare at Ewan and pretend the rest of the movie doesn't exist!
5. Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters
Uggghhhh!!! Can we please stop making "adult" versions of kid's tales? (With the exception of Maleficent, of course!!!) I haven't liked any of them lately! Didn't like either Snow White movie from two years ago, didn't like the Tim Burton Alice and Wonderland (so sue me!), didn't like Red Riding Hood, didn't like Jack the Giant Slayer, and I didn't like this movie. I like the IDEA of an adult, live action version of kid's tales, but I just haven't really seen one that's been executed well. I'm hoping Maleficent will change all that. Honestly, I can't even remember this movie because it was so bad. I just remember that I hated it.
4. Identity Thief
Not funny. I think there were only like three scenes in this movie that made me laugh. It wasn't enough. And they weren't big belly laughs, they were more like chuckles. I really like Melissa McCarthy. I think she's super funny, but I felt like she was told to hold back or something. There were moments where I thought she was gonna let loose and kill it, but then she doesn't and the moment just kind of falls flat. The whole movie is a series of moments like that. You just keep waiting for that outrageous moment that's gonna have you rolling on the floor, and it never comes.
3. The Conjuring
I seriously don't get the praise for this movie. It has a 7.6 rating on IMDB! I don't understand! I didn't think it was scary or good! It was actually kind of boring. Maybe I'm bias because I don't believe in possessions or the supernatural. There was only one part where I jumped, but the rest of the movie I was bored out of my mind. Even the exorcist climax was stupid to me. I was rolling my eyes the whole time. I just don't get horror movies.
2. Runner Runner
I loooove my Ben and I love JT - too bad this movie SUCKED. It was soooooo boring and so unoriginal and just such a waste of money and film and time! There was absolutely NOTHING original or fun about this movie. I knew everything that was going to happen before it happened. Even the lame "twist" in the end I saw coming. It was like someone read a book called How to Write the Least Original Most Predictable and Generic Movie Ever and followed it step by step. Seriously, I don't see what Ben or JT saw in this script that made them want to be in this movie. It must have been some kind of contractual obligation. That's the only explanation.
1. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
You know, when I first watched this movie, I kept thinking, "It's not THAT bad...." But in retrospect, once I compared it to all the other movies I've watched from 2013, I can't think of another movie that fell flatter than this one. I will say, though, Jim Carrey was freakin' HILARIOUS. He was the only part of this movie that kept me engaged. Much like Identity Thief, I kept waiting for a big moment that never came. Well, I would argue that Jim Carrey delivered all the big moments, but he wasn't the star of the film! And if the stars can't give me that big moment, then the movie is flawed! Also, Olivia Wilde was completely wasted in this movie! She is fabulous and should have been used as more than just a love interest. They tried to give her a storyline, but they never built on it. They should have just eliminated her character all together. Actually, they should have eliminated the movie all together!
What were the worst films of 2013 for you?
10. Pacific Rim
This movie wasn't BAD, exactly. It just didn't do anything for me. It was supposed to be an over the top summer popcorn movie - and I usually LOVE over the top summer popcorn movies - but Pacific Rim was just lacking! The action scenes were only okay. I think I have a real problem with robots fighting. That's why I don't like any of the Transformers movies. I like my action to involve people. I feel a real threat for their lives when human characters are doing something dangerous. Giant robots fighting other dimension alien creatures? Not so much. Yes, I know the humans are inside the robots controlling it, but I still didn't buy it. I didn't end up caring too much about the robots or the humans.
On a social commentary/film studies note: I did find this movie to be slightly groundbreaking in that it showed an Asian female to be sexually awakened. There's a cliche in film studies that Asians are asexual, blacks are super crazy horny, and whites are just right. Kind of a like a weird, sexually racist Goldilocks. But in THIS movie, the Asian LEAD actress (which is also rare!) checks out her hot white (almost Christian Grey) leading man several times! She legit watches him undress through a peephole! I was shocked when I saw that! Refreshingly shocked! Not only is this a biracial coupling, but it's the GIRL who is objectifying the man! BUT then in the end, the two leads don't end up hooking up!! And I was like, "Gah! You were so close!!"
9. The Counselor
I love my Michael Fassbender!!!!! I will say all the performances in this movie were very good. It weirds me out to say it, but I thought Cameron Diaz gave the performance of a lifetime! Whoever was her stylist for this movie totally nailed it! As if her half shaved head, tattoos, and silver pointed nails weren't enough, they gave her a gold tooth! A FREAKIN' GOLD TOOTH! And it WORKED! And she rocked it!! She was so bad ass in this movie! It was a Cameron Diaz I never saw before! Her, and Michael Fassbender are the only good parts about this movie. I think The Counselor would have worked better as a novel. It WAS written by Cormac McCarthy after all. A lot of the script was weird, cryptic, philosophical ramblings that I'm sure would have been a deep and meaningful read, but spoken through characters in film just came off as pretentious and awkward. But Cameron Diaz, man. She kicked ass! And I have to mention it, don't I? She has sex with a car.
8. The Internship
So not even close to Wedding Crashers. I think this movie was a cute idea - two middle aged guys get an internship at the biggest tech company in the nation - but it just didn't deliver. It had some funny parts, but not enough to push this movie from bad to mediocre. I would have been okay with this movie being mediocre. But it was just shy of mediocre, which is a shame! It's also extremely unrealistic! The guys are given a series of tests and projects which they do with a team of misfits. The way they behave during these tests and their level of participation in the projects is just plain ludicrous! Yes, their antics were kind of funny for the sake of the movie, but in real life, they would have been kicked out of the internship program on the first day for acting like such morons! But they keep getting these second chances because they have "real life experience" since they're older. It's really dumb, and completely unbelievable!
7. Man of Steel
You know what? I LIKED the 2006 version, Superman Returns. That movie got a lot of slack, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! It wasn't "action-y" enough for the masses, but I totally got what Bryan Singer was trying to do. He romanticized Superman and gave the film an almost nostalgic tone. Most people didn't dig that and wanted a version of Superman that was more exciting. I get it, I mean, it's Superman! It should be exciting! Well, I'm sorry, but THIS Superman movie was a mess! You know what I think the problem with having a Superman movie is these days? We're too cynical as a society and we like our superheroes to be dark, because that's more believable/relatable now. BUT the conundrum is, Superman is not a dark character! He's freakin' Superman, for crying out loud! When I was a kid, Superman had the capabilities of god! And it just doesn't work to have a tortured Superman! I will say, though, Henry Cavill is TASTY!!
6. Jack the Giant Slayer
I love me some Ewan! But unfortunately, he couldn't save this movie. And I can't figure out if the About a Boy kid grew up to be hot or not. He's kind of funny looking. All that aside, this movie was just bleah. And the CGI for the monsters was not very good! It was like watching a movie from 10 years ago or something. I know technology is better than that! Oh well. Let's just all stare at Ewan and pretend the rest of the movie doesn't exist!
5. Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters
Uggghhhh!!! Can we please stop making "adult" versions of kid's tales? (With the exception of Maleficent, of course!!!) I haven't liked any of them lately! Didn't like either Snow White movie from two years ago, didn't like the Tim Burton Alice and Wonderland (so sue me!), didn't like Red Riding Hood, didn't like Jack the Giant Slayer, and I didn't like this movie. I like the IDEA of an adult, live action version of kid's tales, but I just haven't really seen one that's been executed well. I'm hoping Maleficent will change all that. Honestly, I can't even remember this movie because it was so bad. I just remember that I hated it.
4. Identity Thief
Not funny. I think there were only like three scenes in this movie that made me laugh. It wasn't enough. And they weren't big belly laughs, they were more like chuckles. I really like Melissa McCarthy. I think she's super funny, but I felt like she was told to hold back or something. There were moments where I thought she was gonna let loose and kill it, but then she doesn't and the moment just kind of falls flat. The whole movie is a series of moments like that. You just keep waiting for that outrageous moment that's gonna have you rolling on the floor, and it never comes.
3. The Conjuring
I seriously don't get the praise for this movie. It has a 7.6 rating on IMDB! I don't understand! I didn't think it was scary or good! It was actually kind of boring. Maybe I'm bias because I don't believe in possessions or the supernatural. There was only one part where I jumped, but the rest of the movie I was bored out of my mind. Even the exorcist climax was stupid to me. I was rolling my eyes the whole time. I just don't get horror movies.
2. Runner Runner
I loooove my Ben and I love JT - too bad this movie SUCKED. It was soooooo boring and so unoriginal and just such a waste of money and film and time! There was absolutely NOTHING original or fun about this movie. I knew everything that was going to happen before it happened. Even the lame "twist" in the end I saw coming. It was like someone read a book called How to Write the Least Original Most Predictable and Generic Movie Ever and followed it step by step. Seriously, I don't see what Ben or JT saw in this script that made them want to be in this movie. It must have been some kind of contractual obligation. That's the only explanation.
1. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
You know, when I first watched this movie, I kept thinking, "It's not THAT bad...." But in retrospect, once I compared it to all the other movies I've watched from 2013, I can't think of another movie that fell flatter than this one. I will say, though, Jim Carrey was freakin' HILARIOUS. He was the only part of this movie that kept me engaged. Much like Identity Thief, I kept waiting for a big moment that never came. Well, I would argue that Jim Carrey delivered all the big moments, but he wasn't the star of the film! And if the stars can't give me that big moment, then the movie is flawed! Also, Olivia Wilde was completely wasted in this movie! She is fabulous and should have been used as more than just a love interest. They tried to give her a storyline, but they never built on it. They should have just eliminated her character all together. Actually, they should have eliminated the movie all together!
What were the worst films of 2013 for you?
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