I'm a little behind. I usually get this list out closer to the beginning of the new year, but I've been lazy. Anyway, as tradition, my top 10 best films list will be up Oscar night! But for now, the worst!
10. No Strings Attached
The OTHER movie about two friends who just have sex is MUCH better. This one is just lame, boring, not funny! Ashton Kutcher gets more and more obnoxious as the years go by, and I just couldn't buy Natalie Portman in this role. She's far too good to be in this sad, sad movie.
9. The Rum Diary
It makes me sad when a film with such a good cast is so disappointing! I found this movie extremely dull and boring. Nothing happens! Seriously, nothing happens! Johnny Depp's character is a writer hired to investigate something...I've forgotten by now...and you think he's on the verge to exposing this huge story, but then he doesn't! Everything just kind of blows over, and then they visit a fortune teller in a scene that served NO purpose, then Johnny sails away in a boat, leaving Kim to scratch her head thinking, "What the hell did I just watch?"
8. I Am Number Four
I'm not gonna lie. I stopped paying attention to this movie maybe twenty minutes into it and started doing other things. Cleaning my room, probably, which is sad when cleaning my room is more interesting a task than a movie. So I'm not really sure what this movie is about. He's number four, they're looking for him to kill him, he runs away. He meets number five or six? I forget. Anyway, before I knew it, the movie was over and I didn't care!
7. I Don't Know How She Does It
This movie wasn't HORRIBLE. I mean, it certainly wasn't good, but I expected much, much worse. It was just extremely mundane. Sarah Jessica Parker really needs to work on her range. She always plays this busy, New York woman against the world! It's starting to get exhausting watching her run down the street in heels. I like SJP, but she needs to play another character besides Carrie Bradshaw.
6. Something Borrowed
I think this movie is on this list more because it made me angry than because I thought it was a bad movie. I mean, yes, I thought it was a pretty bad movie, but boy did it piss me off! Why do women like this movie so much? All the characters are awful, awful people!! I didn't feel the least bit sorry for the main character, Gennifer Goodwin, when she hooked up with her best friend's fiance! What a crock of shit!! What the hell kind of best friend are you? I'm supposed to feel for her because her best friend, Kate Hudson, is a bitch who swooped in and "stole" said fiance years ago when Gennifer Goodwin liked him. Well if you liked him so much, you should have said something! And supposedly, the fiance liked Gennifer Goodwin from the beginning too! Well if you like her, why did you get engaged to her best friend?? It just didn't make any sense. I know stupid relationship drama stuff like that happens all the time, but not to anyone I know, therefore, I couldn't identify with selfish, cowardly, stupid characters.
5. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
What number are we on now? Four? I've lost track. I don't know why I keep insisting on watching these movies in the theater. I know it's not gonna be good, but I keep hoping. I think I thought this one would be different because it was a whole new chapter and it was more focused on Jack Sparrow. Well, I'm sad to say it, but Jack Sparrow has overstayed his welcome. He's not particularly funny or charming anymore. The performance is no longer Johnny Depp brilliance. It's just gotten stale. Are they making number five? I really hope not. If they do, I hope I've learned my lesson and I don't see it in the theater.
4. Sucker Punch
This was another movie that I stopped paying attention to halfway through. So again I'm not really sure what it was about. I did, however, love the opening sequence. That was beautifully cinematic! But the rest of the movie was downhill from there.
3. Gnomeo and Juliet
Just...no.
2. Beastly
Don't laugh at me because I 1) wanted to see this movie and 2) actually saw this movie. There are some movies that look SO bad that I just have to see them. I have to! It's not a choice! And then I always get surprised at how bad the movie actually turns out to be. This movie had some hilarious moments, actually. Unintentionally hilarious, of course. Watch it with a friend if you're bored one night. You'll have a good laugh. And then you'll cry because you just wasted an hour and a half of your life.
1. The Dilemma
I think this movie is most famous for having an offensive gay joke. I don't think anyone actually went to see this movie, they just know about the joke. If the only "buzz" a film can gain is over an offensive gay joke, the movie probably isn't very good. I should have known. But I like Vince Vaughn, so I gave it a shot. Big mistake! Hands down the worst film of the year. It wasn't the least bit funny, it was about 45 minutes too long - which is a HUGE mistake in a romantic comedy - and the B story was really dumb. I wasn't offended by the gay joke. I was offended by the movie in general.
10. No Strings AttachedThe OTHER movie about two friends who just have sex is MUCH better. This one is just lame, boring, not funny! Ashton Kutcher gets more and more obnoxious as the years go by, and I just couldn't buy Natalie Portman in this role. She's far too good to be in this sad, sad movie.
9. The Rum DiaryIt makes me sad when a film with such a good cast is so disappointing! I found this movie extremely dull and boring. Nothing happens! Seriously, nothing happens! Johnny Depp's character is a writer hired to investigate something...I've forgotten by now...and you think he's on the verge to exposing this huge story, but then he doesn't! Everything just kind of blows over, and then they visit a fortune teller in a scene that served NO purpose, then Johnny sails away in a boat, leaving Kim to scratch her head thinking, "What the hell did I just watch?"
I'm not gonna lie. I stopped paying attention to this movie maybe twenty minutes into it and started doing other things. Cleaning my room, probably, which is sad when cleaning my room is more interesting a task than a movie. So I'm not really sure what this movie is about. He's number four, they're looking for him to kill him, he runs away. He meets number five or six? I forget. Anyway, before I knew it, the movie was over and I didn't care!
This movie wasn't HORRIBLE. I mean, it certainly wasn't good, but I expected much, much worse. It was just extremely mundane. Sarah Jessica Parker really needs to work on her range. She always plays this busy, New York woman against the world! It's starting to get exhausting watching her run down the street in heels. I like SJP, but she needs to play another character besides Carrie Bradshaw.
I think this movie is on this list more because it made me angry than because I thought it was a bad movie. I mean, yes, I thought it was a pretty bad movie, but boy did it piss me off! Why do women like this movie so much? All the characters are awful, awful people!! I didn't feel the least bit sorry for the main character, Gennifer Goodwin, when she hooked up with her best friend's fiance! What a crock of shit!! What the hell kind of best friend are you? I'm supposed to feel for her because her best friend, Kate Hudson, is a bitch who swooped in and "stole" said fiance years ago when Gennifer Goodwin liked him. Well if you liked him so much, you should have said something! And supposedly, the fiance liked Gennifer Goodwin from the beginning too! Well if you like her, why did you get engaged to her best friend?? It just didn't make any sense. I know stupid relationship drama stuff like that happens all the time, but not to anyone I know, therefore, I couldn't identify with selfish, cowardly, stupid characters.
What number are we on now? Four? I've lost track. I don't know why I keep insisting on watching these movies in the theater. I know it's not gonna be good, but I keep hoping. I think I thought this one would be different because it was a whole new chapter and it was more focused on Jack Sparrow. Well, I'm sad to say it, but Jack Sparrow has overstayed his welcome. He's not particularly funny or charming anymore. The performance is no longer Johnny Depp brilliance. It's just gotten stale. Are they making number five? I really hope not. If they do, I hope I've learned my lesson and I don't see it in the theater.
This was another movie that I stopped paying attention to halfway through. So again I'm not really sure what it was about. I did, however, love the opening sequence. That was beautifully cinematic! But the rest of the movie was downhill from there.
3. Gnomeo and JulietJust...no.
Don't laugh at me because I 1) wanted to see this movie and 2) actually saw this movie. There are some movies that look SO bad that I just have to see them. I have to! It's not a choice! And then I always get surprised at how bad the movie actually turns out to be. This movie had some hilarious moments, actually. Unintentionally hilarious, of course. Watch it with a friend if you're bored one night. You'll have a good laugh. And then you'll cry because you just wasted an hour and a half of your life.
I think this movie is most famous for having an offensive gay joke. I don't think anyone actually went to see this movie, they just know about the joke. If the only "buzz" a film can gain is over an offensive gay joke, the movie probably isn't very good. I should have known. But I like Vince Vaughn, so I gave it a shot. Big mistake! Hands down the worst film of the year. It wasn't the least bit funny, it was about 45 minutes too long - which is a HUGE mistake in a romantic comedy - and the B story was really dumb. I wasn't offended by the gay joke. I was offended by the movie in general.
That reminds me of something I say often: "It's not that I didn't laugh because the joke was offensive. I didn't laugh because the joke wasn't good."
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